Troy Hires Conspiracist to Address “the Real Problems”

ADMINISTRATION BUILDING--After decades of receiving complaints from the community and never taking any action, the Troy administration made a shocking announcement that they will deal with every single one of the issues faced by the students, in the eyes of a well-known conspiracist, Mr. I..  Mr. I. is a key member of a movement against…

Announcement: Troy Elcaro Will No Longer Recieve Updates After This School Year

It saddens me to say that Troy Elcaro will not be continuing after the end of this school year. Since its creation in 2017, it has grown far larger than its founders ever expected it to, amassing a total of over 18,000 views on the website itself, and probably more via other social media. The…

Serious Note From the Editor: Love Others; Love Yourself

DISCLAIMER: This is my serious reflection about the death of one of our fellow students at Troy High School. This is an extremely sensitive topic. In this reflection, I will not be using euphemisms in reference to this tragic event, and I will talk about the relevant issues with seriousness and respect.   I am…

Troy Experiences Surprise Blackout Drill

Today, Troy High School has experienced a power outage, disrupting classroom activities. While many believe that this blackout was unintentional, investigators at Troy Elcaro speculate that this is Troy High School's first experimental blackout drill. In the past, blackouts at Troy High School have caused absolute chaos, as students have been shown to lack any…

Affluent Parents Across the US Offended That They Weren’t Included in the College Admissions Scandal

Today, federal prosecutors charged 50 people in a major college admissions bribery scandal. The scheme included actresses Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman, other parents, SAT and ACT test administrators, and coaches at prestigious universities including Yale, Stanford, and USC. Upon discovery of the elaborate scandal, thousands of affluent parents across the United States took offense…